A few weeks ago I was in the home-goods section of Walmart. I'm not a huge Walmart fan, but we needed more reusable plates and forks for our after-school program and that seemed like the best place to buy them. So I'm walking around and I notice an older man in a scooter and on oxygen. He was looking for twin extra-long sheets for a hospital bed. He asked the employees for help, reasoning that they should still have them, since students had just gone back to college. Both employees tried to help them, but couldn't find the sheets.
As I was searching for reusable plastic plates (which are more difficult to find than I would have imagined) I debated with myself over whether or not I should help this man. He reminded me of my dad in about 20 years. With a Chiefs shirt, graying hair and a bigger belly. An older gentleman, but the nicest disposition. Carrying on and joking with the employees as they halfheartedly tried to help him. I abandoned my search for the plates, and went over to look through the sheets department. Sure enough, in about 30 seconds I was able to find what he was looking for, even in Chief's red. I gave them to him, and he thanked me. Even told me that Walmart should be paying me. I laughed and told him I was good, that I was glad I could help, and walked away because I was starting to tear up.
As I hid in the gloriously chaotic clearance section and acted fascinated with the clearance school supplies (though, maybe it wasn't an act), I tried to come to terms with my response to helping this man.
Was it because he was in a scooter and oxygen, and looking for sheets for a hospital bed. Was there know one in better shape who could help him out, or was he helping out someone in worse shape than him?
Was it because he was wearing a Chiefs shirt and I am so fiercely missing my own grandparents (huge Chiefs fans), this first Chiefs season without them.
Was it because he reminded me of my own father, both in how he looked, and in the idea that he might be taking care of someone else. And though my parents both follow Jesus and heaven would be much better than earth, I am terrified of losing them.
Was it because of my own hesitancy to help him? Kristen in the past would have helped him before the Walmart employee could have given it a go. Kristen in the past would have looked at it as a small way to be Jesus to someone. Kristen in her current condition had to mill-over it and decide if it was worth the time.
I think that is what made me sad. The realization that ministry right now isn't flowing from my heart, but has become something that I ration, something that I have been holding tight-fisted to. Something that I have reserved for places and spaces with the fear of it running out.
How do I get back to a place, where the joy of Jesus is in my life and ministry happens from the over-flow of that?
As I was searching for reusable plastic plates (which are more difficult to find than I would have imagined) I debated with myself over whether or not I should help this man. He reminded me of my dad in about 20 years. With a Chiefs shirt, graying hair and a bigger belly. An older gentleman, but the nicest disposition. Carrying on and joking with the employees as they halfheartedly tried to help him. I abandoned my search for the plates, and went over to look through the sheets department. Sure enough, in about 30 seconds I was able to find what he was looking for, even in Chief's red. I gave them to him, and he thanked me. Even told me that Walmart should be paying me. I laughed and told him I was good, that I was glad I could help, and walked away because I was starting to tear up.
As I hid in the gloriously chaotic clearance section and acted fascinated with the clearance school supplies (though, maybe it wasn't an act), I tried to come to terms with my response to helping this man.
Was it because he was in a scooter and oxygen, and looking for sheets for a hospital bed. Was there know one in better shape who could help him out, or was he helping out someone in worse shape than him?
Was it because he was wearing a Chiefs shirt and I am so fiercely missing my own grandparents (huge Chiefs fans), this first Chiefs season without them.
Was it because he reminded me of my own father, both in how he looked, and in the idea that he might be taking care of someone else. And though my parents both follow Jesus and heaven would be much better than earth, I am terrified of losing them.
Was it because of my own hesitancy to help him? Kristen in the past would have helped him before the Walmart employee could have given it a go. Kristen in the past would have looked at it as a small way to be Jesus to someone. Kristen in her current condition had to mill-over it and decide if it was worth the time.
I think that is what made me sad. The realization that ministry right now isn't flowing from my heart, but has become something that I ration, something that I have been holding tight-fisted to. Something that I have reserved for places and spaces with the fear of it running out.
How do I get back to a place, where the joy of Jesus is in my life and ministry happens from the over-flow of that?
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