Remembering Tiffany

Today marks 3 months.  I kept trying to come up with new words, but haven't been quite able to.  Grief is weird.  It sneaks up on you at the most random of times but is also hard to describe.  As I looked for a way to remember her today, the words I shared at her funeral seemed the most fitting. 

I’ve done a lot of public speaking in my time but speaking in pajamas, this is a first. Though I am pretty sure Tiffany would have loved it. 

First, I want to say a few quick thank yous.  From our family, thank you all for the support you have given us over the past 4 weeks.  Hospitalization is never easy, and with Tiffany’s needs, someone had to be with her 24 hours a day. Your support and prayers have carried us. But more than these past 4 weeks, thank you for the past 38 years of loving and serving Tiffany alongside us.  You helped to make her life what it was.

Now, let me take a few minutes to tell you about my big sister.  

People would often mistake me for the oldest, but if they ever made that mistake around Tiff, she was quick to correct them.  Though she was not the oldest in terms of breaking our parents in.  I mean, did you meet her, she was an angel, and quite honestly their favorite.  But she acted like the oldest in that she taught me so many valuable life lessons.  So many things that have influenced my life and the person I have become.

I’m going to share with you some of the things that Tiffany taught our family. 

Tiffany taught our family to defy expectations.  Middle School me didn’t think it was always the coolest, but Tiffany did almost all of the activities I did growing up. My parents' motto was, well if the other kids do it, Tiffany can do it too. From Student Council at school to Church Kids Chorus to being a Girl Scout and spending the night at overnight camp.  My parents even found a way to convince the staff there to run her across the zip line, and one can not forget her elementary years of playing kickball and having runaway wheelchair moments in the school hallway.  She even decided to try her hand at college, amassing almost the number of hours required to earn a bachelor's degree, just in lots of different disciplines at the local community college. Tiffany outlived her life expectancy by more than 15 years, she was truly a rolling miracle.  

Tiffany taught our family how to laugh, and usually at some of the most inappropriate times.  Tiffany loved potty humor, we joked that she had the sense of humor of a 3rd-grade boy.  Even in the ICU, she figured out how to make the BIPAP machine make a fart sound, and would just crack herself up.  Every day when I would come home from school, she would ask me how my day was. I would usually tell her a story involving lunch duty, or hallway duty and there was no way I could say the word duty without pausing the story for her to laugh at the word duty. And don’t get me started on what would happen if you hurt yourself in front of her. 

Tiffany taught us about joy.  Her smile and laugh were contagious. Watching her experience life was so much fun.  You should have seen her face when she was pushed around the skating rink or pushing a ball off of the ramp at the bowling alley. You were left with no doubt as to how joyful she was. Her face was priceless.

Tiffany taught our family to love big.  She loved her parents and her siblings.  She loved being Aunt “Teeny” to her four nephews.  Even if she claimed they got on her nerves. She loved her community, and those providing care to her.  To know Tiffany was to love her, and if you loved her, she loved you right back. 

Tiffany taught us about patience.  We Maxwell’s are not naturally patient folks.  But Tiffany had patience in spades.  Tiffany had to wait for everything in life, can you imagine needing to scratch your nose, needing a drink, or wanting the channel on the TV changed and having to wait for someone to come around so you could ask them to do it for you?  Tiffany had patience. 

Tiffany taught us to live without fear.  From being the first kid with special needs to be mainstreamed into a neighborhood school in the Shawnee Mission School district to riding roller coasters at Disney World. To facing more surgeries and medical procedures than we can count.  While at the same time teaching medical providers to look truly at the person, not just at the condition they were seeking treatment for. Tiffany faced hardships with grace and a smile.  

Tiffany taught our family about service.  One of my mom's favorite stories to tell, from when we were little bitty was when she briefly left the room and came back in to find one year old me, feeding 2-year-old Tiffany a cookie.  Helping others became a default setting for our family because of Tiffany. And I would be remiss to not take a second and thank my parents for their years of selfless service to all of us, but especially Tiffany.  Caring for her 24 hours a day for 38 years was a big task, but because of their selfless love, care, and defiance of the world's expectations Tiffany lived a long, rich and full life.

The most important lesson Tiffany taught us was about faith.  Tiffany LOVED Jesus. I think because of her more frequent quiet and still moments, Tiffany got to know the Lord in a way that we can not begin to understand.  Tiffany enjoyed worship music and would sing along, even if it wasn’t pretty, it was a joyful noise. I remember at the first youth rally we ever went to, Tiffany started weeping at the baptisms, so much so that it kinda freaked everyone out, but she was just moved in a mighty way. She would later go on to be baptized at the same youth rally a few years later. Tiffany loved her New Story church family and the space that was made for her here.  She wasn’t an afterthought, but a member of the Body.  New Story, we can’t thank you enough for that gift. 

We have seen the hand of God all over Tiffany’s life,  and even in this really difficult season. What landed her in the hospital was a giant cyst attached to her ovaries, and her biggest fear was cancer. On the day after Tiffany passed, mom got a call from the surgeon with the pathology report from her hysterectomy.  They had found cancer.  Not only did the Lord spare Tiffany from one of her greatest fears and the suffering that would have come with it, but with that discovery, she is providing for her sisters, and Ashley and I are qualified for preventative genetic testing.  We don’t doubt that His plan is perfect.

To have the faith of my sister would be tremendous.  When she would have more reason than most to run from God, she turned towards Him.  In that I think maybe the biggest lesson my sister ever taught me, look to the Father, God’s got you. 

Tiffany lived a full and beautiful life showing the Lord to those around her. Don’t be mistaken, her body was her biggest burden, but that did not hinder the influence she had on the world around her.  And now that she is with Jesus I can’t help but think of the words of Jesus in Mark 5, when he says, “Little Girl, get up.” And based on our conversations before her surgery, she’s going to be turning some cartwheels in heaven with our mom’s mom, Granny B. 

I firmly believe that Tiffany was the initiator of a ripple effect that we will see and hear the effects of in heaven one day.  Her faith, her influence, and her story will have changed the eternity of those she may have never met.

And though we miss her terribly, and are so grateful for what she has taught us, we are also grateful that Tiffany now has freedom from her body and that dang wheelchair, because of her freedom in Jesus, and even though it isn’t fun to be missing her, it is Good News. 

Advent Countdown Chain

Today marks the first Sunday of Advent.  I grew up in a tradition that did not celebrate Advent, so these past few years of learning more and more about Liturgical traditions, I have grown to really appreciate Advent.

Last Sunday our church celebrated Christ the King Sunday, the last Sunday in the Church Calendar.  We celebrated (during a blizzard) with Family Worship Stations.  We have a Family Worship Sunday once every other month or so.  On Family Worship Sundays we do a shorter, kid-friendly homily and then move in to worship stations.  The stations usually include some art, some prayer, so writing, and even some tasting (if I can connect it to the text for the week).  This past Sunday we celebrated the kingship of Christ and the coming of the Advent season.  We made crowns, wrote prayers and decorated ornaments.

We were supposed to celebrate at the church building that day but had to meet in someone's house because the blizzard knocked out power at the church building we use. Due to the limited space (and the raging blizzard outside), we didn't get to put together these Advent chains together (they did go home with people though).

I wanted to share the resource if anyone wanted to print them and put them together with their family.  The tasks for each day are designed so that they can be done with or without kids, and without much time or expense.  The goal is to help remember what we are waiting for during this Advent season.

There is a topper that you can print off, and use a spare loop to connect the other loops to.  We used some shiny ribbon that I had at home to staple a loop to the top, and one to the bottom to connect the paper loops. 

If you want to download the PDF and print one to make with your household, I have uploaded it to GoogleDrive here: Advent Chain 2018

Clipart bought on Etsy:  Studio Desset

Baptism Sunday

This past Sunday I had the chance to give the Homily (like a sermon for those non-liturgical peeps) at church. I also had the chance to lead our church through the baptism liturgy for the baptism of two of my favorite kiddos. Kiddos that I have known since they were born (or shortly thereafter), it was so beautiful to witness and be a part of it.

It also carried some pretty significant weight in my heart and life. I grew up in a faith tradition, that though it has many beautiful components, did not allow women to speak in services, or in some instances, outside of women and children's spaces. When our leadership team decided that the Sunday I had already drawn to speak on, would also be the Sunday of the baptism, I was a little overwhelmed. Partially because it was our first ever baptism service, partially I didn’t feel qualified to speak on such a big day, and partially because I know the conflict that can come up over women speaking in churches and we would have some guests with us that day because of the planned baptisms.

Well, with lots of prayers, some nerves, and a little bit of shaking, it was a great service. I even made it through leading one of my “nieces” through the vows of baptism without crying, I only choked up once. As I sit and reflect on the time yesterday, I am filled with gratitude for a church that believes that all members have something to bring to the table in terms of giftedness, and a teaching team that pushes me out of my kids, youth and women comfort zone, because they see giftedness in me.

Our church follows the Revised Common Lectionary, so the hope was to incorporate the text for Sunday, with the baptism, and since it was the end of our time in James sum up the previous 4 homilies as well.  I haven't written a presentation word for word since college, I'm usually more of a bullet points person, but since I was kind of nervous, and our goal for the length of the Homily was 5 minutes instead of the normal 20, I thought I would script it. Here is what I wrote beforehand, and mostly delivered yesterday:

We have spent the past few weeks in the book of James, and we have learned how words have the power to shape us, to determine how we view ourselves, and the world around us. Words have the power to harm, and transform. Words have power.

James 5:13-20

Are any among you suffering? Let them pray. Are any cheerful? Let them sing psalms. 14 Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over the sick person, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 Faithful prayer will rescue the sick person, and the Lord will raise them up. If they have committed any sin, it will be forgiven them. 16 So confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.When a righteous person prays, that prayer carries great power. 17 Elijah was a man with passions like ours, and he prayed and prayed that it might not rain – and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. 18 Then he prayed again, the sky gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.19 My dear family, if someone in your company has wandered from the truth, and someone turns them back, 20 know this: the one who turns back a sinner from wandering off into error will rescue that person’s life from death, and cover a multitude of sins.

In our text today, and with the baptism, we will witness here in a few minutes we see the power of words on display. We see how our words give us the chance to bridge the gap between heaven and earth, to bring Jesus’ coming kingdom to life in our lives and community. 

In today’s passage, James is giving us guidance for the things that we come up against in this life. He is suggesting that in everything we encounter in this life, our answer should be prayer. When we see hard things, good things, and bad things. He is telling us that our answer should first be prayer. In praying we are bringing new realities to earth and trusting in our Lord to answer our prayer. Our prayers have the power to transform our lives, and the lives of those around us. Our prayers have the power to bring healing and forgiveness. 

When we confess our sins, when we look to Jesus for restoration He will come near to us. He isn’t a dark, distant or unknown God, but a God that wants to be near to His children who need him. NT Wright reminds us that prayer is important because God is, as James promised near to those who draw near to him. Heaven and earth meet when in the spirit someone calls on the name of the Lord. And prayer means what it means and it does what it does because God’s new time has broken in to the continuing time of this sad old world, so that the person praying stands with one foot in the place of trouble, sickness, and sin and with the other foot in the place of healing, forgiveness, and hope. Prayer brings the two together. So when we are sick or hurting, or have sinned, we should pray, and when we are happy and rejoicing about the good we should see we should thank the Lord! 

So today, I want to challenge us to recognize the great power that our words have, not just in how we speak to and respond to each other, but in bringing together heaven to earth. What a privilege and responsibility. 

Today we are going to hear some mighty words spoken. Words on the truth of who Jesus is, and who he has made these young ladies to be, and how He has shown up in their lives. We are going to witness their confession of faith and their baptism, and see heaven meet earth again. 

Baptism is a sacred ritual that joins us in the story of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, connecting us with God’s church from the time of Jesus and moving us from brokenness in old creation or participation in God’s new creation through the power of God’s holy spirit.

Each of us has a story that the Lord is writing in our lives, a story of redemption, sanctification, and drawing us closer to him. For each person that looks different. Today, as we hear and read the words of the baptism liturgy I would love for all of us to think of how Jesus has moved or is moving in our stories. To be reminded of all he has done, and all he promises to do. As we hear the baptism covenant spoken, be reminded of covenants you have made in your lives, and as we promise to support these girls as they grow in their lives in Christ, I want us to remember today, text, and the power we have to point each other back to the truth. That all of us sometimes get distracted from the truth and sin against each other and God, and that we have the power and the privilege to use our words to point each other back to Jesus. 

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I used NT Wright's James for Everyone as a resource for the James passage

Our church has used John Mark Hicks' Enter the Water, Come to the Table as a resource as we have developed our theology around baptism

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Here are a few photos (also how amazing it is that I go to a church where I can speak in Chacos and a messy bun, and it is 1000% ok):

safe

Six years ago I wrote about fear. You can read it here: Fear

More than fear, I think it was about personal safety.  Was putting my suburban self in a rougher urban context, and people wondering if it was safe.  I was a 28-year-old version of myself, living in a house with some other single girls, trying to love Jesus and my neighbors. 28 year-old me had a love of the idea that following Jesus wouldn't always be safe, but it would be good.

Somewhere in the past 6 years, I bought this print from an artist on Etsy.  (You too can buy it here: Lion Art, CS Lewis).

It says:  "Is he safe?" "Safe, 'course he isn't safe, but he's good.  He's the king, I tell you."

In the past few months, I have realized that so much of me loves safety.  I don't necessarily crave physical safety.  I've lived in rough areas, taught in areas that were even rougher. Talked with my mom about what I wanted a funeral to look like if for some reason I was a victim of a random act of violence. I could get over fear for my physical safety really easily. 

I crave the feeling of safety I get from being in control or at least the perceived safety. 

If you know the Enneagram at all, I am a 1.  Ones are perfectionists.  Ones don't like failure, and this 1 won't take a risk if there is a chance of failure. Ones don't like mistakes, and failure is a mistake.  This past year has felt like it has been filled with failures.  Things that I thought I would be successful in, that didn't work out how I had planned.  Lots and lots of failure.  Many incidents where I have shown my imperfection and had to come to terms with the reality that I can not control all things, and I can't be the best at everything.

As a result, I've become risk-shy.  Almost paralyzingly so.  Not putting myself in any situations where there might be even a chance of failure.  With my job, with my family, in my personal life.  And honestly, it's left me feeling like I am going through life half asleep.  Kind of numb to the highs and the lows that come with being human. I've developed habits of reading or living in my head in a way that has left me disconnected from who I am and what I know to be true about myself. 

In the past week or so, I have realized that I can't keep living life this way.  A quiet life, where everyone is happy, and I can't fail might be good for a while.  But, there are only so many books I can read to distract myself from my disobedience.  My flat out ignoring who the Lord has made me to be.  

I was reminded of Isaiah 41:10: 

"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

I was reminded that it is OK for me to take risks, and if I fail, when I fail, cause no one is perfect, the Lord has it.  That even though the failure hurts, if I am completely honest, wounds my pride.  (Any other 1s struggle with pride too?) That the Lord will hold me up, because the reality is, in my failure, He is still God.

Singleness and I, we have a love/hate relationships. 

There are days that I am so grateful to have the freedom of being single, the ability to love, serve and invest where I want to.  To be able to move in with my parents and help out for a season (more on that another time), to be able to drop everything and go help with dinner and bedtime at a friends house when she and her husband just took in a set of foster siblings who put the total number of kids in their house up to 8(?!?).  I love having the freedom to go where I want, spend my money how I want.  If it seems like a good idea to stay in bed and read my Saturday mornings away, I can. 

But there are times where I don't love singleness.  Holidays are by far the worst, everyone having family engagements, and the millions of pictures of cute kiddos and matching PJs on Instagram.  Sometimes wish I had someone who was on my team (I have a great team, like amazing,  but you know what I mean).  Someone to be my person in that way.   Someone to split bills with, and share vacations with.  Someone to take away some of the fear of what the future will look like, cause facing it by yourself can be scary. Someone to share frustrations with at 10:00 at night, when it's not exactly appropriate to be calling my married friends on the phone.

I know that no marriage is perfect, and I have had a front row seat to see how messy some of them can truly be.  I have seen the work and time required. But, in our culture, especially the Church in America, we make marriage out to be a cure of some sorts, and that life doesn't fully start until marriage.  That you aren't a "full adult" until you are married. 

Because of that I love, love, love this talk given by Annie Downs.

So much of it resonates with me: 

What if I was giving up the dream, for a dream? 

This fear resonates with me the most.  How many times have I subconsciously (or consciously) thought about the choices I was making through the lens of could this choice be limiting my chances of getting married?  As a female who leads, this is one of my biggest fear.  At times, I've made my self "smaller" with the hopes to not seem as intimidating as I've been told I can be. I've taken jobs with the hope of seeming like an apealing wife figure, trying hard to be what I think I want the person I want to be with would be looking for.  Only realizing later, that if someone couldn't deal with all of me, my leadership giftings, my penchants for helping people, and having crazy ideas that I like to turn in to reality, then they probably wouldn't be a good person for me anyway.  

Do you want permission to grieve a dream never realized?
Yes.  I had never thought of this in this way, the idea of grieving a dream.   As many of my friends approach 10 years of marriage, and have kids in grade school, I realize that I may never be in the same life phase as them.  My nephews are all in elementary school, if ever had kids they would be significantly younger than their cousins. Christmases at my parents may never look like I thought they would.  I will never be a young wife or young mom.  I'm learning to be ok with this, and recognize that it is OK to be sad about what will never be, even if how the Lord has used my life has been in meaningful service. 

But I need to be reminded of these truths: 

I don't want to live in a passive state of waiting, I want to live in a chronic state of this is the good life. This is the good life, the Word has said over and over that God has given you everything you need......When I put all of my focus and my hope on the things that I want instead of what I already have, and what I can go after. 
I think when I left Mission Adelante, I was putting myself into a season of waiting, what I thought would be an easier version of life. I said no to lots of things, I made choices that I thought were safe.  So much of it blew up in my face. The job that was supposed to be a break, was horrible.  I missed leading and coming up with new things.  I was a frustrated apostle with no outlet.  I missed my friends, my kids and developed all sorts of weird health issues. I cried, a lot. I thought this was how life was supposed to look.  In reality, I wasn't being who I was supposed to be, I trying to live life in a way where I had less risks.  Waiting for things that I thought I wanted to happen. 


So this question is the question I am sitting in.  As I dig out of the mess that has been the last year of my life.  The disorganization, the family drama, the health problems, the multiple jobs, the moving back home after only being gone for 3 months...

How do you craft a life that brings God glory, and brings you joy even if he never answers your greatest prayers? 

For me right now that means taking risks.  Being bold in ways that I haven't been in a while.  Getting out of my own head, and sharing my stuff with people I have been hiding from.  Moving past fear.  Listening for and responding to the still small voice that I have been hearing.  Even if it is scary, risky even.  Even if in my head it may put me further and further from being "marriable."  I never want to look back on a season of my life again and say, wow, I was really busy waiting.  Cause waiting isn't much fun.  I want to look back and say I was learning, growing, exploring and pressing more and more into who the Lord has made me to be.

What is next...

Friends,

Thank you so much for your support of me, and the work at Mission Adelante over the past 7 years. The Lord did and continues to do great things through the relationships that were built and the seeds that were planted during the course of the ministry there. I have been blown away by the stories that have made their way back to me about former volunteers continuing to minister to the kids they feel called to since programs have ended. Hearing these stories fills me with so much joy, and makes me want to scream out "It worked!" because one of our main goals was to get Jesus followers into intentional relationships with our refugee friends.

The past few months have been pretty crazy in my life. We finished with our End-of-Outreach Party on April 22nd, and on April 26th I moved down the street to Mark Twain Elementary School to serve as a long-term substitute for a 5th-grade teacher going out on maternity leave. It has been a really interesting transition going straight from full-time vocational ministry into full-time elementary school teaching, all the while searching for a job that would be the right fit. During the month of May, I applied for about 30 teaching positions. I also had quite a few Skype interviews, and a few job offers. This past week I went down to Atlanta, Georgia to interview for a few more teaching positions, and accepted a position to teach 4th grade at Idlewood Elementary School in Tucker, GA. Idlewood serves students from all over the world, with a total of 52 languages being spoken amongst the student body.

The Tucker/Clarkston area holds a special place in my heart, 12 years ago I took a job as a youth ministry intern at the Northlake Church of Christ in Tucker, and went back to serve as an intern in some capacity (sometimes youth, sometimes kids, sometimes I wasn't sure what my job was:-)) for 4 summers, over 5 years. It was at Northlake that I learned to do ministry, and had a chance to lead and grow, I have always felt at home there. Somewhere along the way, Northlake began to develop a relationship with the refugee community in Clarkston, GA, just about 10 minutes from the church. Clarkston is where my love of serving refugees began. I remember visiting my first Nepali home during the summer of 2009, being served Tang and Grapes on a gold serving tray, with no air-conditioning and a pile of shoes like a mountain by the front door, it was a scene that became very familiar in my life, not even a year later as I began my work with Mission Adelante.

Though I will greatly miss Kansas City and the relationships I have made here (8 years in August), I am excited to return to the Tucker/Clarkston area at the end of this summer.

Some of you might be wondering what does this look like practically?
I am still in Kansas City, for now, living with my roommates, loving my neighbors, and now beginning to pack. I have been able to save enough money not to work this summer, which is a tremendous blessing which I am so grateful for. I plan to take a small group of girls to camp with Northlake in mid-July and then relocate after camp. I am going to live with my 2nd set of parents (who I lived with while working at Northlake) for a few months while I get settled. I won't be a stranger to Kansas City, as my family is all here, and I have promised my kiddos that I would come back for frequent visits... and even offered to let a few of them come stay with me once I have a place of my own. :-)

Thank you for your love, prayers, and support over the past 7 years, this ministry wouldn't have been possible without you!

A new season...

7 years ago this blog started as I came on staff at Mission Adelante. We were required to have a blog to keep our supporters and friends updated. As time has gone by, this blog has become less important to my ministry, and more important to me as I use it to remember how the Lord has worked in my life, and the lives of those around me. It only seemed appropriate that I share here an important email update sent to all of my supporters this past week. 

Friends, family, supporters, dear ones,

Seven and a half years ago I moved back to Kansas City from Nashville, unsure of what plans the Lord had for me. I knew I loved serving refugees, was skilled as a teacher, and was temporarily living in my parent's basement. Seven years ago I attended my first volunteer training at Mission Adelante. Shortly after, I took on a leadership position and joined the staff of Mission Adelante as the Bhutanese Youth and Kids Outreach Director. When I said yes to joining God in this mission I was unprepared for the wild ride He had in store for me.

Over the past 7 years, I have seen the Lord move in a mighty way. I walked with families through births, deaths, hard decisions, health problems, joy, sorrow, celebration and sadness, all the while proclaiming the name of Jesus and the love God has for them over them through prayers, stories, and service.

Each year our team reflects on what the Lord has done and begins to pray what He may have for us in the future. We noted quite a few things in our reflection this year. The Bhutanese community has now been living in Kansas City for over 7 years, they are for the most part past the "crisis-mode" stage that many newly arrived refugees operate in. New families have stopped arriving in the US (for the most part), the kids are doing really well in school (again, for the most part), families are getting better jobs and buying houses, high-schoolers are going on to college or trade school and finding good jobs, the community is tight-knit and close both in physical space and relationship, families are advocating for themselves and know where to seek resources. As our staff began to think about these things, we realized that many of the goals that we had set out to meet had been met. Our neighbors felt welcomed, they were put into relationship with Jesus followers, their practical needs were met and the Gospel was communicated in both word and deed.

As we realized these things, each of our staff members also began to feel a shift in what the Lord was calling us to and what that might look like in the next season, myself included.

The realization that we had accomplished much of what we set out to do, partnered with what has felt like a very Holy Spirit led shift in callings, has led us to a place where we realized it was time to wind-down the formal outreach to the Bhutanese community through Mission Adelante. With the full support of our Board of Directors, we have set up a timeline to end formal ministry programs by the end of April 2017.

If you are reading this email, you have somehow supported our ministry to the Bhutanese over the years, whether that be as a volunteer, prayer partner, financial supporter, friend, or all of the above. We are so grateful for your partnership.

Through your partnership we have been able to:

• Develop 35 students through our Leaders in Training program, introducing them to new things, increasing their confidence, and pushing them towards academic success. 
• Distribute close to 700 backpacks to Bhutanese students and their families to make back-to-school a little easier. 
• Help over 6,000 books find new homes through kiddos in our programs and partnerships with neighborhood schools. 
• Increase the knowledge and cross-cultural competence of teachers and staff members in schools in KCK that serve refugees by providing teacher development workshops on Bhutanese culture and the refugee resettlement process. 
• Share the love of Jesus with literally HUNDREDS of kids, youth and their families.

Thank you for making these things possible!

We know that there is still work to be done in terms of sharing the Gospel and pointing people to Jesus, so a big part of this last trimester is realizing how these things can continue through relationships while celebrating all that the Lord has done.

So, what does this mean for me practically....

• We are going to be strategically dialing down the intensity of our youth and kids ministry programs during the last trimester. During this time the focus of our staff will be equipping volunteers to continue investing in the families they feel called to. 
• I will be passing off roles and responsibilities at Mission Adelante that extend beyond the Bhutanese Ministry to enable the programs to continue when I am no longer with the organization (i.e. Book and Backpack distribution) 
• I plan to continue relationships with the girls I have been discipling, and provide opportunities for them to walk with Jesus and learn about Him, whether or not the Lord keeps me in Kansas City, or calls me to a new place. It makes me so grateful for modern technology. 
• My last day of employment with Mission Adelante will be in early/mid-May of 2017, allowing me to wrap up any loose ends. 

How you can pray....

• Pray we finish well, that our last trimester would be fruitful. 
• Pray for continued provision, I am still in need of the financial donations to finish well. If you are a financial supporter of the ministry please pray about continuing to support the ministry through April. In the coming weeks, I will be sending out more information on how to continue supporting the ministry of Mission Adelante after my departure if that is of interest to you. 
• Pray for a spirit of celebration of what the Lord has done. 
• Pray for direction as to what the Lord has next for me. I thought that I would work with Mission Adelante for a long, long time, but have clearly heard the Lord say that it is time for me to look for what He has next for me, which is quite counter-intuitive. Pray that I would also have the patience to wait for the right job. 

Thank you for your love and support over the years! 

Please let me know if you have any additional questions.

To read a letter in regards to the ministry transition from our Founder, Jarret Meek, check out the

Adelante Express: A Big Transition for Our Bhutanese Ministry

Trusting the Father

Sometimes as we were wrapping up things at Mission Adelante I would go and work from the IHOP Prayer Room.   As I was doing some journaling and planning for the end of things, I noticed a dad and daughter walking around the edge of the room.

Growing up with a sister in a wheelchair I am always reminded of her, and what I learned growing up when I see kids with some kind of exceptionality.  I had seen this girl and her father at the prayer room before and noticed them because she was blind and maybe had an additional developmental delay. As I watched them interact I noticed that the daughter was 100% at peace in the prayer room, and so much of it seemed to stem from the fact that she was with her father. They walked around the edge of the room, her father guiding her the whole time.  She was completely dependent on him for safety and guidance. Occasionally they would stop walking and she would dance, and it was a dance of great joy.  A dance of celebration and worship.

I learned a lot from that little girl in just about 20 or 30 minutes.  I was reminded what trust looks like, true, honest, steadfast trust.  I was reminded that the Father has got this.  As I am in a season of disorientation, he knows the right direction.  There may be obstacles, but there will be joy and dancing.  And most of all, he has me.  He isn't  going to lead me into a place or a season where I can not be safely tucked into the crook of his arm as we make our way around. 

I wanna have eyes of love...

I don't know if I have ever learned as much as I did in 2016.  

So many hard things happened, and I have grown so much because of it.  

I have learned more and more about what my priorities need to be, what I want my life to look like, and what changes I need to make help that to happen. 

With as hard as 2016 was, I am excited for 2017 and what that means.  How it will look to walk more in line with what I think the Lord is calling me to. 

I found this song on Spotify a few weeks ago, and have shared it like crazy with quite a few friends here in KC.  It speaks so much to what I want 2017 to look like.

*I wasn't aware of the Lipscomb connection.  Small world.

Meeting Jesus in Walmart.....

A few weeks ago I was in the home-goods section of Walmart.  I'm not a huge Walmart fan, but we needed more reusable plates and forks for our after-school program and that seemed like the best place to buy them.  So I'm walking around and I notice an older man in a scooter and on oxygen.  He was looking for twin extra-long sheets for a hospital bed.  He asked the employees for help, reasoning that they should still have them, since students had just gone back to college.  Both employees tried to help them, but couldn't find the sheets.

As I was searching for reusable plastic plates (which are more difficult to find than I would have imagined) I debated with myself over whether or not I should help this man.  He reminded me of my dad in about 20 years.  With a Chiefs shirt, graying hair and a bigger belly.  An older gentleman, but the nicest disposition. Carrying on and joking with the employees as they halfheartedly tried to help him.   I abandoned my search for the plates, and went over to look through the sheets department.  Sure enough, in about 30 seconds I was able to find what he was looking for, even in Chief's red.  I gave them to him, and he thanked me.  Even told me that Walmart should be paying me. I laughed and told him I was good, that I was glad I could help, and walked away because I was starting to tear up.

As I hid in the gloriously chaotic clearance section and acted fascinated with the clearance school supplies (though, maybe it wasn't an act), I tried to come to terms with my response to helping this man.

Was it because he was in a scooter and oxygen, and looking for sheets for a hospital bed.  Was there know one in better shape who could help him out, or was he helping out someone in worse shape than him?

Was it because he was wearing a Chiefs shirt and I am so fiercely missing my own grandparents (huge Chiefs fans), this first Chiefs season without them.

Was it because he reminded me of my own father, both in how he looked, and in the idea that he might be taking care of someone else.  And though my parents both follow Jesus and heaven would be much better than earth, I am terrified of losing them.

Was it because of my own hesitancy to help him?  Kristen in the past would have helped him before the Walmart employee could have given it a go.  Kristen in the past would have looked at it as a small way to be Jesus to someone.  Kristen in her current condition had to mill-over it and decide if it was worth the time.

I think that is what made me sad.  The realization that ministry right now isn't flowing from my heart, but has become something that I ration, something that I have been holding tight-fisted to. Something that I have reserved for places and spaces with the fear of it running out.  

How do I get back to a place, where the joy of Jesus is in my life and ministry happens from the over-flow of that?